Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
