dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
