I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
