wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
