so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If its not for food we ain't going out.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
