Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
