Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
True college students do jello shots in the library
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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