I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
