you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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