when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
