she looked like the before picture.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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