I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
