I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
