Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
