My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
