Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
