At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
