Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
