dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
