btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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