i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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