he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
