..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
just tell him i said nine months
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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