so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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