i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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