I'm so fucking centered right now
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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