Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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