shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
