I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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