Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
