so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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