Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
