Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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