So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I cut my penus on the lid.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
