either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
