He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
