I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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