Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
