my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
