the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
