I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
