It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
This toilet bowl is my home.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
