I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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