Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
