if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She even gives head with a lisp.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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