I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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