do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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