Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
false alarm, still single
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
