Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
