How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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