whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
